Bite Me is a special 14-installment series based on an undercover stint at a supermarket to draw out lessons on how to better relate to challenging colleagues in the workplace and how to be a better colleague.

These “profiles” are based on real customers who wanted free samples of food.

It’s cheeky and deliciously honest.

These “profiles” are based on real people who wanted free food.

It’s cheeky and deliciously honest.

To read the others:
Introduction
The Humble
The A-Hole

The Slob
mind your manners

The Personality

There are health code laws. I created barriers around my table to prevent the contamination of food. For example, I put the little cup of toothpicks behind the attractive display so that I had control of them. I prepared my food behind the sign so that no one’s unwelcome, sticky fingers ruin a whole pot of food. Yet even the most creative barriers mean nothing to some customers.

The Slob wears Prada shoes and Oakley sunglasses, suggesting that they were raised with certain privilege and good manners. They greet my table of generous slices of bananas dipped in chocolate fondue. They greet me warmly, and I am pleased with this civilized interaction. I ask them if they want to try some. They eagerly agree.

Before I know it, the Slob reaches over my barrier to grab a toothpick. I deftly wave their hand, “no, no, I’ll get it,” trying not to embarrass them. Disaster avoided, I stab a thick slice of banana and dip it into the smooth, creamy chocolate and give it to them. They take half a bite and smile broadly.

Just when I think I avoided a sanitation violation, they reach with their half-eaten banana and attempt to dip it back into the communal fondue pot! I am abhorred that they never learned the no double-dipping rule as my Ninja moves prevent them from sinking their tooth-marked, germy piece of banana. They say innocently, “oops! Sorry!”

They blissfully and ignorantly give a genuine “thanks,” and then throw their used toothpick back on the sample plate filled with clean, new banana slices before sauntering off. I’m speechless. I wonder if they’re used to their momma cleaning up after them.

The Slob is a nice person. They’re friendly, but are so disgustingly dirty and disrespectful of other people that it makes it hard to ever want to engage them. It also raises the question of whether they have the self-awareness and emotional intelligence to thrive.

It’s Not Me, It’s You…

The Slob in the office may be well-intentioned, but their disregard and ill manners can lead to their downfall. And a quick downfall it is. Ill manners indicate lack of emotional maturity and serious disregard for others. It suggests that they feel their needs are more important and that others should just clean up after them. No one wants to hire or work with or for someone like this.

It is common to have “fit” interviews or meals with potential employers and colleagues before a formal job interview. Obviously, this meal is an opportunity to size you up. Are you someone they want to spend 10 hours a day with? Are you someone who is kind to the wait staff, doesn’t talk with their mouth full, and doesn’t scratch their crotch between the salad and entrée?

Even if you are the most technically skilled, if you shovel your food into your mouth, you will not make it past the back office. Plus you might not get invited to office parties for fear you will double dip in the salsa bowl.

• Set standards. Set office-wide or team-wide standards of behavior (e.g., wash dishes after use). That way, the Slob isn’t singled out, but has to follow the team norms.
• Role model. Watch your own behavior when you are around the Slob. Exaggerate your actions a bit to make it a point when you wipe your mouth or recycle.
• Ask nicely. Sometimes, the Slob is just like a little kid. You have to remind them sometimes to have manners. The more you do it, the more it will become habit.
• Have a one-on-one. If the Slob’s behavior is having a real negative impact on himself or the team, have a sit down. Keep it light, but be clear about how their eating with their mouth full is holding their career back.

It’s Me…

Some people always appear composed and put together. Others are not. It’s never too late to study Miss Manners.

• Study etiquette. Before you laugh at Emily Post, it may behoove you to read an etiquette guide or two. Learn how to fold your napkin when getting up to use the restroom. These skills are more important than you think for getting you into that corner office and yes, even into that cubicle.
• Err on the side of conservative. I get it. You don’t like to do things the way “the Man” tells you. You want to be free, and you want to be you. But if you’re reading this, chances are you also want to be professionally and personally successful. Having manners and saying “thank you” is not conforming or selling out. It is simply demonstrating to your fellow humans that you respect them.  If you are in a new situation and not sure what to do, watch how others behave for cues. This isn’t the time to show your unique side by offending everyone around you.
• Clean up after yourself. You do not want to be that person who is known to leave their half-eaten salad in the sink or spilled cream at the coffee bar for someone else to clean up. It’s rude and shows lack of character. Remember that your reputation is built not only through your work performance, but also by all these little things that can ultimately be what makes or breaks your chances of success.
• Be polite. The Internet and the telephone mean that we often don’t need to talk to other people in person. It’s no surprise then that manners have also been oft left by the wayside. We forget that a “good morning,” a nod of acknowledgment, or “thank you” is critical – whether it is to the head honcho or the janitor– will distinguish you from all the others out there. People remember, and people care.
• Remember there are other people. Working in an office means that your trash or your mess doesn’t just affect you. Show the same respect you expect to be shown by you. Mommy isn’t going to clean up after you.

The world is a tiny place and people talk. Dressing sharply in front of your boss won’t win you any points if they hear from others that you’re the one responsible for the dirty Tupperware in the sink or the one who doesn’t know how to tip wait staff at client meetings. Manners and etiquette still play an important role in everyday life.