Bite Me is a special 14-installment series based on an undercover stint at a supermarket to draw out lessons on how to better relate to challenging colleagues in the workplace and how to be a better colleague.

These “profiles” are based on real customers who wanted free samples of food.

It’s cheeky and deliciously honest.

These “profiles” are based on real people who wanted free food.

It’s cheeky and deliciously honest.

To read the others:
Introduction
The Humble
The A-Hole
The Slob

The Negative
don’t just say no

The Personality

The Negative is the office’s Debbie Downer. Rainbows are annoyances and puppies nuisance. The automatic response is “no.”

As I stand behind my cart with a big giant grin on my face, the Negative walks slowly by, almost as if life is so terrible, there is no need to rush to a dead end. I open my mouth and before I can say a word, they scrunch up their nose like they just did number two and shake their head. They wave their hand, wishing me away like the nuisance that I am.

Being persistent, I still ask them, “Would you like to try a sample?” I hold out the little toothpick to the, and 9 out of 10 times, they hesitantly reach for it, as if they are doing me the biggest favor in the world. They look at it, sniff it, and pop it in their mouth.

If I’m lucky, I watch the transformation begin.

Their eyebrows rise. They continue to chew. The corners of their mouth turn down and their head cocks to one side, a look of unexpected surprise. They slowly nod their head in approval, “that is delicious!”

The Negative then gets all friendly. The Negative is not a bad person; they’re just unhappy and grumpy and getting them to try something new is like giving a child medicine. Even though they walk away with a little lighter step than when they approached me, I wonder, what else in life is this one missing out on?

It’s Not Me, It’s You….

The Negative turns down many opportunities, especially if the opportunity is a bit of the unknown. They are not mean nor malicious, but a bit of a grump, the naysayer. In meetings, they are the first one to say, “that can’t be done,” and proceed to list all the obstacles that prevent a new idea or improvement from moving forward. They are knowledgeable and the idea-killer.

For leaders of dynamic organizations, the Negative is often the thorn in the side. While having realistic perspectives is important to understand the parameters of possibility, the Negative tends to take this to another level by simply stating outright why it cannot be done without exploring the possibility of how it can be.

Not only is the Negative often not a welcome presence in the boardroom, the Negative also tends to decline opportunities that would otherwise help their own career. They might turn down opportunities for fear of commitment or of failure. A negative attitude can keep the Negative in a rut for years.

When it comes to promotions, leaders are not going to look at the Negative as someone willing to step up, take risks, and grow. Rather, the Negative is seen as someone who is unwilling or unable to become a leader or thinker, and simply not promotable.

Being open to exploration can increase not only professional satisfaction in terms of promotions and visibility in the office as someone willing to try things, but also in terms of keeping the job interesting and new.

• Preempt the skeptic. Explicitly note the risks and inherent negatives and then explain rationally why those critiques can be mitigated.
• Acknowledge and listen. The Negative often just wants to be heard. So acknowledge and listen. When they feel heard, they may soften – even though they may not agree with you.
• Ignore and proceed. Sometimes the Negative likes being negative just because. No reason. Ignore their complaints and all the reasons why the idea won’t work and proceed accordingly. In time, they may realize they’re the one falling behind as everyone moves ahead without them

It’s Me…

Carol Dweck’s work explores how some of us have a propensity toward a Growth Mindset, the belief that skills are not fixed and that learning is always an opportunity. Others of us have a fixed mindset where everything is set in stone and we don’t have the capacity to continue growing. We can train ourselves to the former, though it requires a shift away from the ‘no’ to the ‘yes.’

• Attitude speaks. Being known as the realist in the office is different than being the pessimist. If you tend towards being a pragmatist, leverage that attitude to offer ways of moving an organization or meeting forward while taking into consideration existing limitations. Participate in the growth of an organization while being realistic. Don’t just be the naysayer.
• Watch your body language. People notice your attitude in how you deliver your words and your physical bearing. Are you scowling? Think about how you carry yourself. Others will be more willing to listen to you when you offer your perspective on why certain restrictions might make an idea to implement if your face and body is open and engaged. It shows that you are truly trying to come up with alternatives, while staying within reality.
• Explore – don’t just say no. Don’t just say it can’t work without fully exploring the possibilities. Whether that is a new idea or a new opportunity, don’t assume that it just means more work or means that you will be doing something new that you might fail. Consider the opportunity and even if it’s something you’ve never done before. These are the opportunities that may distinguish you from permanent middle management to true leadership.

Negativity is a state of mind – acknowledging potential challenges helps to ensure all viewpoints are heard. Dwelling on the, however, just impedes. Just think: you do want to be “that one” at the office or office party who no one wants to share things with because they know what you will say first, “no.” You’re no longer in your terrible twos. Try saying, “yes,” or at least, “Let me think about it” first before making an educated and thoughtful response.