A dear friend of mine just walked part of the Camino de Santiago, a 500-mile walk I had done a few years back. For a month, I carried all that I had on my back and spent every night eating, showering, and sleeping next to 400+ new best friends (or strangers, however you choose to see it). As he was preparing for the trip, we talked about what to pack, what to watch out, etc. One question he raised was, “how did you protect your stuff from getting stolen?” I must admit, I can’t recall – not because I was sloppy and just left my stuff lying around for all to take, but because I don’t remembering being overly concerned. This is not to say that I was naive (perhaps a bit), but I just had to trust that if I were to leave my bag in line to get into the hostel or by my bunkbed and go get something eat, that no one was going to take it. Knock on wood, but no one did. The strange thing about an experience like the Camino was how important it was to build and maintain a level of trust among the thousands of pilgrims walking it every year. That’s the only way this ancient pilgrimage still works. I had to trust that if I needed help, someone else would be there. And people were. Yet off the Camino, it is rare that people trust others anymore. The news seems to constantly remind us that the world is a terrible place and that there is absolutely no one – not even your own family – that you can trust anymore. A lack of trust in others and ourselves lead us to conduct our lives and our works like battlefields, wars to be won, and evil saboteurs to conquer. But as a society and as a human race, a lack of trust seems a guarantee to our demise, as well as inhibit our ability to flourish and achieve. It is trust that have allowed us to evolve, to progress, to grow. It is trust that helps us get things done and survive. It is trust that we need to learn again.
Collaborative Consumption
We’ve all heard about AirBnB, Uber, co-working spaces, and all the “new” businesses that are essentially traditional barter/community sharing enterprises of yesteryear. The commodification and commercialization of bland hotel rooms and cold service have led human beings – naturally social animals – to want experiences that are more reflective of human connectedness, relationships, and the feeling of belonging. Rachel Botsman shares her thoughts on the new collaborative consumerism that is entirely based on this idea of trust, and how the virtual world has shifted how our reputations are built and maintained.
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
~Stephen Covey
The Tao of Trust
Trust in ourselves is as important, if not more, than trusting others.
- Make it a conscious decision
Some of us are more trusting than others. There is no judgment on what or why, it just is. While we may have our reasons for not trusting others, it’s easy to default into a state of distrust, whereby we question everyone’s motives, preventing us from developing healthy relationships and getting things done. We sometimes have to make the deliberate decision to trust someone, put our fears and assumptions aside, and have faith that that other person’s intentions is as pure as yours.
- Forgive
When there is a great lack of trust, it is usually because of past experience. Perhaps it is past experience with that one person or perhaps it’s from previous relationships that we then carry to other innocent parties. While this is not to advocate complete surrender of sound judgment, it is more than worth the time to reflect on whether it is time to forgive either said party or whatever transpired previously so that you are not punishing the current relationship for previous transgressions.
3. Imbue with positive intentions
If we move through life assuming that others have the best intentions – even when their actions don’t seem that way – it becomes far easier to relate and less stressful. If we assume everyone is an enemy, we place a lot of burden on ourselves to be on guard 100% of the time. Instead, by seeing other’s actions as having the best intentions, we can start seeing other perspectives a little more. Even if we do not agree with the actions – or get downright angry about them – we can shift our displeasure and judgment from the person to the situation or action.
- Find the commonalities
We often misconstrue cooperation or compromise as being weak. Life is about winning, right? Competition can be healthy, and collaborative competition can be even more of winning combination. If we look at companies that are thriving in a tough environment (e.g. Motorola and Toshiba), we find that they are leveraging synergies to grab more, rather than battle each other for less. By looking to those who are our “competitors,” we can also discover ways to maximize what we both want so we all win.
- Remember yourself
Trusting others is one thing, trusting ourselves is another and one of the most difficult to do. We often ignore our instincts, we ask the advice of 101 friends, and we seek answers from others (did you read about the man who went bankrupt from paying his psychic almost $1mm?). But we have our best intentions. If we trust ourselves, then we automatically begin to view the world and others in a more open, just, and friendly way. And that’s the beginning of how we can truly flourish. We just have to trust ourselves to listen and follow.