Bite Me is a special 14-installment series based on an undercover stint at a supermarket to draw out lessons on how to better relate to challenging colleagues in the workplace and how to be a better colleague.

These “profiles” are based on real customers who wanted free samples of food.

It’s cheeky and deliciously honest.

These “profiles” are based on real people who wanted free food.

It’s cheeky and deliciously honest.

To read the others:
Introduction
The Humble
The A-Hole
The Slob
The Negative
The Snob

The Mute
speak up

The Personality

As I stand behind my cart, in a busy aisle surrounded by many people and multiple conversations, I see the Mute and ask, “How are you? Would you like to try some?” The Mute stops and stands. They look at me. Blankly. They look at my food. Blankly.

I wonder if they just didn’t hear me. So I repeat myself louder.

They look a bit shocked and look at me, opening their mouth. Their mouth moves. I’m pretty sure they’re saying something. But I have absolutely no idea what they’re saying. I’m not a lip reader. I ask my question again. The Mute mouths words again, looking a bit exasperated, as if I’m the silly one. I just want to reach over and shake them and say “WHAT??? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

But I don’t. I lean it forward and smile, hoping, praying that the Mute will repeat themself so that someone other than their unconscious mind can hear. To be honest, by this point, I pretty much don’t care what they’re trying to say. If they can’t speak up, I don’t have the patience to try to lip read. I give them their food and move on to the next, hopefully audible, customer.

It’s Not Me, It’s You….

The Mute is the person who is so quiet in the office that you often forget they are there. In meetings, they quietly sit in a corner. When asked something, they mumble or speak so softly that the whole room either quiets down to strain to hear them or more often than not, just ignore him and talk over them.

The Mute then often complains after work that they feel ignored and neglected. That no one listens to them at work despite their brilliant ideas.

The truth is: no one knows you have brilliant ideas if no one can hear you. It is important, especially for those less vocally extroverted, to establish a presence. You don’t have to be loudest or talk the most, but you must be audible so that when you do have something to say, others will listen.

• Praise. The Mute often lacks confidence that their ideas or viewpoints are not worth listening to. Acknowledge and praise them for their work or anything he speaks up – positive feedback in the moment reinforces the behavior.
• Meet in small groups. Set up small team meetings where each person is strongly encouraged (aka required) to speak up. In those settings, acknowledge the Mute’s contributions. Small team meetings create a more comfortable environment for the Mute to speak publicly.
• Document in writing. The Mute is often more comfortable with writing things down. Encourage communication by creating paper trails of their contributions in the team so that others can recognize their work, and then you can reinforce again verbally in other settings. This will also encourage them to be more public in his interactions with others.

It’s Me…

If you feel a bit of anxiety speaking up, yet frustrated that you are not heard, there are a few habits to adopt to feel more confidence.

• Speak up. If you have an idea or an opinion, share it. Don’t hold it inside and expect others to read your mind and then get frustrated that no one appreciates your genius. People aren’t mind readers and unless you are absolutely content with following others forever, learn to speak and share.
• Project your voice. Learn to project your voice. You don’t need a bullhorn, but you need to be able to speak such that you command a presence. Clear your throat. Practice in front of a mirror. Be heard.
• Establish a presence. If you feel like you’re being ignored, you very well may be. This may be partly a result of the fact that others may forget that you’re in the room because you don’t say anything, or they assume you have nothing of importance to say. Establish your presence by being present. Move your seat closer to the front of the table. Spread your papers a bit to establish “your” space. It shows that you are important to necessitate space. Watch how you sit. Are your shoulders hunched or are your forearms on the table, as if you are ready to fully engage in the conversation?